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Friday, June 25, 2010

88 days, 16 hrs, 29 mins

June 25, 2010

So yesterday, I realized that I had not yet checked my seating arrangements for my flight to London.  Thus, I went to the website for Virgin Airlines and tried various times to log-in to see the details of my booked flight, but for some reason, I could not access it.

A little frustrated and slightly worried, I decided to call the airline - to my surprise, despite the fact that it was like, 1am here, a cheerful British guy picked up on the other line.  He was extremely friendly, and his accent was so cute!!  Apparently, the problem was that I had to insert my first name and both of my middle names on the "First Name" space (which I thought was stupid, but that's beside the point).  Anyway, when the British guy was telling me that, he said: "It's going to be a bit of a squeeze, but that's oH-right!" THAT made my night.  I still giggle thinking about it.  His accent made it so funny!!  I'm going to have one heck of a time if I am already giggling over the British accent once I get to Wales!  




After I was finally able to enter my information successfully, I was pleasantly surprised to see that they are counting down my days for me!  I did not realize that there were still so many days left - almost 90 days!  That's still 3 months away...I feel like it has been forever since summer has started (although I must say that it has gone by a lot quicker than I thought it would), but I'm still so far away from Wales! (I'm not complaining much though - I love, love, love summer in LA.)

Starting from today, I decided to shift my attitude on things.  It's as if a light went off in my head.  No more negativity - I won't even bother thinking about things that will drag me down unnecessarily.  Instead, I'll visualize.  Dream.  Shape my world.  Pray for these dreams.  Actively seek and actively receive.  :)

Hello, summer 2010.  You're proving to be amazing so far.

Monday, June 21, 2010

1984, Summer, and...Wales

June 21, 2010

So I realized that for some unknown reason, my blog (since I put up the new layout) is no longer showing the dates... So I must now get into the habit of writing them manually above every entry.

Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
Bleak House - Charles Dickens
Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
Animal Farm - George Orwell
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

I finished Orwell's 1984 today.  I must say, as a Communication major, it struck me as a novel that was a must-read.  Crazy stuff.  I must say the conclusion was kind of confusing and also slightly disappointing - but that must be due to personal bias.  Nonetheless, a powerful novel.  I'm really glad that I picked it up this summer.

So I decided that this summer will be dedicated to ME.  (Well, to a certain extent).  The 30 minutes I spend everyday is not to "prove" to anyone - it's for me.  And by shifting my focus that way, I found that I have more peace than ever.  At least, the most peace that my circumstances at the moment allow me to feel.

^ Penn Abroad Stuff

I received these three booklets in the mail yesterday, and I just glanced through the Green Booklet just now - it has a  ll these useful and cute lists of stuff (including a chart of "What the Americans Say" vs. "What the British Say").  According to this Booklet, the British apparently call "Dessert" "Pudding". Hum.  I don't know how accurate this is or if I'd even attempt to memorize them (I think that personal experience would probably be better), but it's interesting nonetheless! It's definitely got me more excited to prepare for Wales!

Honestly, a part of me feels like summer is a drag.  Maybe it's because I'm working on 2 internships and a job and (honestly) not feeling too fulfilled by any of them right now, but things are looking to be kicking off very soon!  I am enjoying the sunshine and the friends (friends are like wine, SERIOUSLY) - as well as exploring the city that I grew up in as a twenty year old.  That means lots of cafe dates and trying out new things, which I think is very good for me.

Anyway - so getting these pamphlets in the mail about my future adventures to come next semester was a good shift in mind from my summer mentality.  I absolutely cannot wait to be in Europe, although it is very nerve-wracking! 

Monday, June 14, 2010

Friends are like wine

I had forgotten how wonderful you are and how time and time after you've proven yourself to be so important in my life.

You ALWAYS know the right thing to say at the exact moment.  We've grown to know each other so well that with one look, you know when something's up.

You know me inside out.  And we've bickered and even stopped talking once.

But now we've matured and so has our friendship.

I used to always wonder what I meant in your life - since I tend to be a very expressive person and you completely opposite of me, I always doubted whether you cared, whether there was something more than just convenience between us.

Time and time over, you are there when I need you the most.  And you totally have the ability to make me soft when I feel at my worst.

And above all, you remember.  You remember the struggles that I went through.  You remember the little details.  You, you, you.

I am so blessed to have you in my life.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Accountability

On-Going Summer Projects (I need to keep them track somehow to remind myself):

  • Internship #1: Sometime...at night? / Weekends
  • Internship #2: Tues & Thurs
  • Parttime Job: Mon, Wed, Fri
  • Rediscover old loves
  • --->Piano: Try to practice at least 30 minutes everyday
  • --->DTH: Try to update daily / be persistent.
  • Cook more! Explore recipes.
  • Work on the Baking Recipe Book.
  • Work on finishing up the reading list!
  • GRE's!
  • Above all: seek Him in all that I do and don't lose focus!!
  • Limits on the workload (it'd be easy to get carried away and work forever since both of my internships can be worked from home
  • --->Absolutely no working on Sundays.
  • --->Try to finish all work before 7pm each day so I'm not stressing over it all night long.


Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Books and Epiphanies


Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
Bleak House - Charles Dickens
Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
Animal Farm - George Orwell
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

Crossing off another one from the summer reading list.

I really, really, did not like The Time Traveler's Wife - I finished the book in less than a day, and I was so upset about the book that I vented to my sister for about half a day afterwards.  Ugh.  Unfortunately (or fortunately), I did not have Internet for about 4 more days after my post-reading venting session that I became exhausted and will not be dedicating this blog post to listing reasons on why I didn't like the book.

I'll just say a few words on it: there was too much unnecessary sex, and the characters were completely flat.  They didn't develop at all throughout the novel!  There was nothing to explore.  Yeah, the ending was "sad" - but not the type of sadness that deeply entrenches you for days onwards, but it seemed like the sadness was completely shallow.  The plot was very interesting, I'd give the author that.  It definitely put a new twist to the concept of time travel but ugh, the characters were so boring...

ANYWAY.

I had an epiphany the other day.

It's an epiphany that repeats itself over and over again, but every single time, it's just so fulfilling and overwhelming that it can be given the heavy title of an epiphany each time.

I was praying the other night and felt so...complete.  It's something that is repeated over and over again in those sermons, taught to us over and over again - but it is so true.  Only God can fulfill that emptiness that all of us feel at the end of the day.  Not love.  Not friends.  Not family.  Only Christ.  It's so wonderful to be completely satisfied, calm and at ease.  In those moments, when I feel nothing else around me except for God, with no distractions, no worries about Internships and what-not, no stressing over relationships - that's when I feel so overwhelmed and blessed by His presence that I want nothing more but to stay there forever, with Him alone.

And I thought, this is what Heaven must be.

100% satisfaction, just worshipping Him for who He is.  I think I figured it out.  People repeat this phrase a lot too, but I don't think I fully grasped the concept of it until very recently: God is love.  God is 100% pure love.  And that is why God alone is enough to satisfy ALL of our needs.  Bathed with His presence, I feel love surrounding me to a degree that everything else in the world seems so small.


He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. 

When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, 
And I realize just how beautiful You are, 
And how great Your affections are for me.

- "Oh, How He Loves Us" by the David Crowder Band

This song's been on repeat on my iTunes the past week, and the bolded phrase strikes me every single time.  It so beautifully captures the "epiphany" that I feel every time I surround myself completely to God, one-on-one.

Honestly, I suck.  A lot.  In so many ways.  But He is more than enough.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Wuthering Heights

I finished the book in about 1.5 days. Starting the book, I never thought that I'd get to a point where I couldn't put it down, but hey, life's full of surprises.

I remember the best English teacher I had ever had - my AP English Literature teacher during senior year - recommended the book as a "must-read for girls who like love stories". I had meant to pick it up earlier, but it so happened that I ended up reading it this summer, 2 years after I had first heard the recommendation.

Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights explores the dark side of love, as young lovers' destructive love ends up destroying not only their lives, but (basically) everyone in their lives as well. However, I do not think it is fair to blame all the terrible things that Heathcliff ends up doing on his love for Catherine - the treatment Heathcliff received from Hindley and others largely contributed to his desire for revenge. That brings up another theme of the book that I picked up on - the terrible nature of human beings on self-righteousness and hatred. The book exposes the cycle of hatred - related to the capacity people have deep within to do evil. Heathcliff was abused most terribly by Hindley, which led to his desire of revenge, to not only kill Hindley but to take all of his possessions and destroy him in the process. Heathcliff responds to evil with evil, not only affecting those directly responsible for his nature, but also negatively impacting the future generation.

Heathcliff's malicious nature can be exposed not only by his terrible treatment of Hindley's son - Hareton - but also through the way he essentially destroys his own son - Linton. In the process of doing so, he destroys Isabella, his wife, and attempts to take the young Catherine (the daughter of his own beloved) into misery as well.

I think most people would agree that the entire book and story centers around how Heathcliff and Catherine's love is so powerful that it destroys so many lives. I think that their childhood sweetheart love might have ceased to become love once it got to a point of destruction - it became an infatuation, an obsession, engulfing their lives as well as the lives of everyone they could drag down with them.

Why must their love be so destructive? It honestly really puzzled me as I read through the novel - why is Heathcliff completely obsessed with Catherine? Is it possible for one to be so "crazy in love" to the point that it becomes an unhealthy infatuation? What is it about Heathcliff and Catherine's love that leads them to throw away everything else in the process, including their own children? (It's obvious from Heathcliff's treatment of Linton that this is true in his case; it is also true in Catherine's case since she knew that she was pregnant with a child and pretty much had no desire to live anyway).

It seemed to me, as I was reading through the novel, that Heathcliff's and Catherine's love for each other was very much so idealized, mostly because their love was forbidden due to societal expectations and...honestly a part of me feels like the characters (or perhaps just Catherine) put up walls that did not exist in between their love. I mean, really, she could have just ran off with him anytime in the beginning of the novel. I was reading up on the topic and scholars have said that it was because their love was stagnant that it ended up being so destructive. They refused to change. I think that perhaps they refused to change because they idolized an ideal version of their love.

Nearing the end of the novel, I was so sure that it was going to end up on a depressing note with everyone but the narrator (Mr. Lockwood) and story-teller (Nelly Dean) dead - but I was in for a pleasant surprise. The story ended on a positive note, with young Catherine and Hareton falling steadily in love - not a firey, passionate type of love but a steady love that magnifies over time and undergoes change. I guess that might be the key moral of the story then.

All the other characters end up being destroyed because of their firey, passionate love that borderlines obsession [Catherine<->Heathcliff, as already discussed; Edgar->Catherine; Isabella->Heathcliff and Young Catherine->Linton (this almost happened)]. Or perhaps it's just that the initial (Catherine<->Heathcliff) love is the root of it all that destroyed the rest of the individuals involved in the ordeal.

I think the timing of my finishing this novel is very interesting because I have had very recent talks with friends and my sister about marriage - all of us agreed that a relationship that can grow over time is much more healthy for marriage than one that is full of vigor and fire in the beginning. Blehhhhhhhhhh.

And now I'm thinking, 'Wow, growing up really sucks'. I kind of want to go back to those immature times when I dreamed of my own Disney prince in shining armor. Now I know how crazy and complicated "love" can be. And also I am realizing that "THE ONE" might not actually exist, but there are just multiple possibilities. I can already hear certain friends going, "maybe that's because you haven't met the one yet". Blahhhhblahblah.

Wow, too much thinking at 3 in the morning. Clearly, that must be it...

Regardless of whether any of this blabbering might make sense or not in the morning, here is the updated summer list, with Wuthering Heights bolded to indicate completion:


Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
Bleak House - Charles Dickens
Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
Animal Farm - George Orwell
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

I shall make another trip to B&N in the afternoon to pick up another book off this list.