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Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts

Sunday, May 29, 2011

A Review: "I Love You, I Don't Love You"


Wow.
So even having read the negative reviews and the fact that it was booed at the Berlin Film Festival by critics, I decided to watch this movie simply because Hyunbin was in it.
I didn’t expect myself to be in tears by the end of this very slow-moving, frustrating film. This was even more surprising given that I am so incredibly impatient. The film centers around a couple that is preparing to break up after 5 years of marriage. The entire movie takes place over a one day period - the last day the couple has together, as the female lead is packing up to leave the house for another man.
“Come Rain, Come Shine” (the English title), or “I Love You, I Don’t Love You” (the Korean title), is so strikingly different compared to a typical Korean film or drama in that there is minimal emotion shown, and even less dialogue. There are many long shots of objects, a focus drawn to the two characters’ (rather dull) interaction with items and absolutely no explicit explanation of their feelings or even their past memories. There is no screaming (albeit a very small outcry by the female lead), no frantic tears over a lost love (as is very common in the Korean entertainment world), minimal conversation between the two.
But there is definitely a presence of deep feelings. Deep, deep feelings and an incredibly heavy mood that I found it difficult not to be sunk into the movie despite its slowness.
It’s clear by the first half of the movie that the female character is struggling over her decision to leave - and although the ending is very inexplicit and vague, I think the fate of their relationship is made very clear through various shots and hints given throughout the film
The film moved me in such a way and managed to completely break my heart despite the lack of dialogue or outward emotion. I ended up going on Naver to see what Korean people thought, and it was given pretty negative reviews - but I honestly think the characters were developed well, and the movie is one of the most thought-provoking ones I’ve seen in a long while.

I would not watch it again, however. I think the novelty of the film is reserved only for the first time.
I realized this toward the end of the film, but I think one of the reasons the movie impacted me so much is because…it reminded me so much of a particular relationship in my life that I had in the past.
I think this was largely due to the unspoken nature of our relationship - like the couple in the movie, we never fought or verbally acknowledged that there was something wrong, even though both of us recognized that countless things were wrong. There were so many long pauses in between sentences as we struggled to choose our next words. The mood was always so heavy, so frustrating, so full of emotion. I wanted to scream and yell, tell him how much he hurt me, tell him how he’s broken so many things. Instead, like the couple in the film, we were just there, carefully choosing our next words, smiling softly at one another, being courteous, offering to help each other - even during the time period when things were most strained.
In reflection upon it now, I wish we had had the courage to argue, to yell - a display of outward emotion that would have made very clear of our inward feelings, that would have broken the incredibly dense mood before it was too late. Instead, we were too busy being nice. I remember that particular day - OUR very own last day together - and how I worked to suppress my emotion, occupy myself busily in helping him clean up his place as he was getting prepared to move hours away from the location where we had spent most of our time together.  How ironic is it that I can find so many parallels between this day and the day portrayed in the film?  Throughout that day, we exchanged no words for the broken relationship that was to happen in a matter of hours, no display of emotion despite the fact that in my mind, I had already broken into a million different pieces, a total mess. I didn’t shed a single tear.
The relationship has been over for a while now, and it doesn’t affect me nowadays at all. It’s interesting, though, that I never noted this particular element of the relationship until I watched this movie. I was not the usual, bubbly, happy self in this relationship. Instead, I had been transformed into someone deeper, someone struggling to find her words, someone forced to keep her deepest emotions locked up inside. It’s really interesting what life does to you sometimes. And it’s even more interesting when life takes a movie to help you recognize it for what it actually was.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Thoughts thoughts thoughts

February 26, 2011

Gasp.

New post?

I think I'm returning this blog to what it was before I went abroad - a place for lots of venting and frustration in the midst of Penn's craziness.

I'm really sad that I never got around to updating the rest of my study abroad craziness... BUT!  I'm returning to LA this coming Friday for Spring Break and there is hope that I will (finally) get around to posting pictures and stories from abroad, although they'd most likely be in an abridged version.

I can't remember why I opened my blog (and this blogpost) right now, but excuse the confused jumble of thoughts that might come out from reading the rest of this post.

I think this semester has confirmed just how quickly our lives can change within a matter of days hours  minutes seconds.  We might be happy and content one second, only to be completely shattered the next by a phone call, an email, or someone walking in through the door.  The opposite is also true, of course (so as to not make this a super emo post).

Friendships have been broken, mended, and broken again.  Same mistakes have occurred, even after vowing not to repeat.  There have been lots of happiness and new developments on a variety of levels.  My return to Penn was definitely not a smooth ride thus far.

It's surprising how quickly we can adapt to change.  Recalling back to last year around this time, I realized that so much has changed - within myself, in my relationships with others, in my walk with God.  And once again, I'm realizing that what really matters is perspective.

There was a moment last week when I thought quite depressingly about how quickly things have changed, and how we virtually have no control over what's going to happen to us next - then I realized that I could really turn that around and instead be super excited over what God has in store for me in the next few weeks days hours minutes seconds.  I'll never know when He chooses to bring a complete random stranger in my life, only to have that person develop fully into someone I appreciate and love.

And He remains so everlasting, my constant, my rock, my redeemer.

Once again, I'm learning that I can only hold onto Him in this ever-changing world.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Days 40 & 41: Penn Londoners' Adventure in Wales

Day 40 (Saturday, October 30, 2010):

The day started out with a large brunch at the Taf.  We each had a version of the English Breakfast:


This is a typical English Breakfast meal - beans, eggs, toast, bacon, sausages, and tomatoes!  It's similar to the American breakfast, minus the pancakes plus beans and tomatoes.

I had originally planned to take my friends to Tintern Abbey and another castle that I had never been to, but due to transportation issues we just ended up going to Caerphilly Castle instead.  I had already visited Caerphilly Castle (as can be noted by this entry), but it was still nice to visit.  We were blessed with gorgeous castle weather.

As I had mentioned on the previous entry, I managed to break my camera in the pouring rain in our venture to pick Christian up from the bus stop.  We discovered that the camera was still functioning but the screen was broken.  Although I couldn't see what I was taking pictures of, I ended up clicking away anyway.  It was interesting to just let go for once and have some fun while taking pictures - I feel like often I get so caught up on how it looks that it becomes more like a chore.

Gorgeous Caerphilly Castle
Picture credits to Jen
Photo credits to Jen
I feel like I rarely take pictures of the ruins; I always try to take pictures of the gorgeousness instead of the damages that years have done to these historical sights.  Jen's pictures have given be a different perspective on things, which I guess is good if you've already seen Caerphilly before in my previous entry.

We have some hilarious pictures from this trip; we spent literally 20 minutes trying to take a 'jumping' picture of the 4 of us.  We put Christian's camera on auto-timer and tried to jump at the correct intervals.  We utterly failed.  It's quite hilarious to see the pictures on Facebook, where you can click really fast through the album - it looks like we're doing some sort of weird dance.  I wish I could share it on this blog, but I don't put up pictures of people due to privacy reasons - if you are Facebook friends with me, try to go find it!  I think Christian put that particular album to public...

We headed back to the Cardiff Bus Station in time to go to the Medieval Village.  We were joined by Alisha, Suwei and Alana - but the trip was actually quite disastrous!  The Medieval Village was having a special Halloween event on that night, but due to the rain we ended up coming back early...and we were completely soaked.  Waiting for the bus to come in the pouring rain with only 3 umbrellas to spare among the seven of us was quite momentous!

We came back to my room and somehow managed to fit all six of us (Alisha had gone to see a movie) in my tiny little place.  We were all drenched from the rain so it probably worked to our benefit that the room was so cozy :)  We had plans to go out to the Union that night and although none of us felt like going out after the adventure in the rain, the tickets were paid for so we had no choice.  We pre-gamed a little bit in my room to our song of the night - Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA".  Yeah, I know.  I think all of us had been missing home...

We then headed to the Union; I almost always have fun with people from home, so it was really nice :)  Christian and I did the usual routine of calling friends at home - we definitely took advantage of my free bonus International minutes that night ;).  I think Christian left Brittni (one of our friends back home) a song on her voicemail about how she wasn't picking up...that's our group for you.

Here's a picture of the party scene, stolen from Alphonse's album:


The rest of us except for Alana came back to my room to play some games afterwards :)  We had fun, to say the least!  Christian and I ended up walking Suwei back to her 'student accommodations' (aka dorm); we then had a nice chat on our way back where I realized how much I had missed a good friend's company. I'll forever appreciate such walks when I get back to Penn!

Day 41 (Sunday, October 31, 2010):


The day started early despite the fact that we had stayed up quite late because Alphonse was leaving at 9am.  I took a quick shower and walked him back to the station; then, I walked back to wake Christian and Jen up.  We ate at Wok to Walk, which was an interesting British fusion Asian food...we then got on a bus headed to St. Fagan's!

It was my second time going to St. Fagan's...but this time around, we discovered the Buttery Castle, which somehow I had missed on my first trip there.  St. Fagan's was gorgeous with all the fall colors:





We also had toffee apples there, which were absolutely delicious:


Christian even had two :) I bought one for myself and one for Alisha, which we enjoyed after dinner that day.

When we came back, we had some trouble with the bus so we couldn't have dinner.  I escorted them back to the bus station, came back and had dinner with Alisha at the Taly Social.

That pretty much ended the weekend!  I'm so, so behind on updates but hopefully I'll be updating again soon :)

Friday, October 15, 2010

Diversion #2: Just a list...

October 15, 2010

Diversion #2 today and a quick post because I suddenly felt homesick:

I miss.........

  • Having good Korean food right around the corner
  • Big, wide streets
  • DRIVING [on the correct side ;)]
  • Authentic Mexican food / EL TAURINO'S
  • A P O (need I say more?) (website curtesy of my Little <3 )
  • Staying after exec meeting, not working when we should be working, "studying" (aka singing Disney songs), random trips to Wawa at 3am, being trapped in the APO Bubble and going to eat at random Thai restaurants, celebrating when it's not raining/dreary for once in Philly, throwing really bad surprise birthday parties, having email chains with big "meow" and "rawr", yelling at Omar/Christian.....(the list can go on forever)
  • Walking through the Penn Bookstore to get to class
  • Skipping class for various reasons ;)
  • Staying up literally all-night because of really good conversations
  • Studying at Meyerson until 5am (I hear it's been renovated? whattttt?)
  • ^ Going to McDonald's to get coffee at all hours of the night (I want coffee SO badly right now)
  • Walking down LOCUST WALK. I even miss flyering on it! Oh my...
  • Doing random things like: going to FroGro at 1am to buy a blender and make smoothies, going out for walks in the rain, making snowmen instead of studying...
  • Going out to BYO Dinners with the group!
There is so much more, but I'm stopping now because I really need to go read for tomorrow's seminar...

Although it is true that I miss Penn and home a lot, I know for a fact that when I go back, I'll be missing Cardiff like crazy. I guess this just goes hand-in-hand with my last entry (diversion #1)...

Clarification: I still really, really love it here. :) I'm SO thankful for SO many things right now, including all the people I've been blessed to meet here and all those that are back home, supporting me no matter what. 

Thursday, October 14, 2010

A little diversion to the side...

(A small diversion from my Study Abroad "Day Journals"...)
Time is flying by, slipping away from my fingers, fading by way too quickly.

Strange how these thoughts came up when I am sitting right now in a coffee shop (that has become my favorite since day 1 here in Cardiff) and doing some work. I am reading an article by Stuart Hall on cultural representation and race...the meaning of differences and all the theories behind them. It's quite interesting and something that interests me very much (that's why I am a communication major). Throughout his article, Hall mentions Roland Barthes a lot - which is continuously reminding me of my internship over the summer at the ICI.

I miss interning at the ICI a lot.  It was such an amazing experience of cultural analysis, discussions that would get my brain flowing like none other. I met such great people.

I'm struggling to make a decision about staying here for an entire year or leave as planned in December after just one semester abroad. Whenever I am meeting new people or hanging out with some people whom I've become very fond of in such a short amount of time, I really wish I can stay for a whole year and get the full-on experience of student life at Cardiff. This struck me especially when I was looking into the different ministries that CU runs yesterday (yeah, I'm not there in my "day journals" yet...I'll get there eventually) - there are things that I would have started this semester but would never be able to see how it ends.

I received an email from a friend back in Penn with some mischievous(?) happenings of our group of friends that got me wishing I could be there and here simultaneously. Then, I felt: "that's where I belong." They've become my home at Penn. But I've started to establish a home here too. Walking down the street and hearing, "Hi Ellie!" from a new friend (everyone calls me Ellie here...I started introducing myself as this pet name at first because Alisha and my names were so similar that people got confused, then I realized that Ellie is much easier to pronounce...now it's just gotten stuck) makes me feel like I am home here too.

Where was I going with this entry...?

Oh yeah. Time is flying by. I don't like it one bit. Life has become all about readjusting...adjusting from LA to Penn, from Penn back to LA, from LA now to Cardiff - and in the future, whenever I decide to be back, from Cardiff to Penn. It's so weird how I'm already forgetting what Penn is like as university life here has overwhelmed my so-called "college experience".

One thing remains firm though, whether I decide to stay here for a year or leave after this semester: studying abroad was the best decision I ever made in College, along with joining APO.

:)

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Perspective

July 30, 2010

The last two weeks have been insane.  My internship with GAP is getting exponentially stressful as the entire team is preparing for our fundraising event, scheduled to occur at the end of August.  Today, the three of us hit up LA "Beach Cities" to ask small boutique stores for in-kind donations.  This was the second time that we had gone around together; last week, we hit up the Melrose and Larchmont area.

It was extremely daunting at first to go around random stores asking for donations, but what really surprised me was this: everyone was extremely nice.  And by everyone, I mean literally everyone.  The places that said "we can't donate this year" were even apologetic.  Some gave us donations on the spot.  Even when we walked into a restaurant that was extremely busy, they paused and listened.

Today, a few of the stores told us something that our stressed-out team really needed to hear: "Thank you for doing this.  Somebody needs to do this, and you guys are making a difference."

And I thought that we were going to be shunned for being intrusive.


As I conveyed to the team as we ended the exhausting day, it's really nice to know that people are generally nice and do care for something more than just profit.  Even in such a huge city as LA, where people are thought to be disconnected, people still care.

I found that as I got caught up more and more into the whole planning the fundraising business, the actual cause of my efforts was long forgotten.  Last week, when the LA team went out to canvas for the first time, I came home absolutely exhausted to find this on CNN that put everything back to perspective.  That news story is exactly why GAP was founded, and why I am working hard on this event.  The voice of the mother in the 911 call is disturbingly calm, but I can't imagine how helpless she felt from this condition that penetrates entire families to the core.  We're looking to prevent such incidents that might and do occur around the world with regards to children with autism, to help educate and aid families through raising a child with such a difficult condition.

Again, I am forced to face the realities of autism every Monday and Wednesday when I teach at my parttime job at the Learning Center: one student in my classroom of seventeen has autism, and everyday is a struggle for us.  On good days, I can get him to write me a couple of sentences for Journal in 3.5 hours.  On bad days, he initiates arguments with other students who are still too young to understand.  Everyday, other students complain nonstop, "how come he doesn't have to do anything?!?".  Yet, there is something that sets him apart beautifully from the other kids.  Something pure and genuine.

Perspective.  It's really all about perspective.  Depending on the perspective, my internship can be a huge, stressful event.  Or it can be a tiny, small step - my little contribution to a cause that affects so many individuals all around the globe.