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Showing posts with label Memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Memories. Show all posts

Sunday, May 29, 2011

A Review: "I Love You, I Don't Love You"


Wow.
So even having read the negative reviews and the fact that it was booed at the Berlin Film Festival by critics, I decided to watch this movie simply because Hyunbin was in it.
I didn’t expect myself to be in tears by the end of this very slow-moving, frustrating film. This was even more surprising given that I am so incredibly impatient. The film centers around a couple that is preparing to break up after 5 years of marriage. The entire movie takes place over a one day period - the last day the couple has together, as the female lead is packing up to leave the house for another man.
“Come Rain, Come Shine” (the English title), or “I Love You, I Don’t Love You” (the Korean title), is so strikingly different compared to a typical Korean film or drama in that there is minimal emotion shown, and even less dialogue. There are many long shots of objects, a focus drawn to the two characters’ (rather dull) interaction with items and absolutely no explicit explanation of their feelings or even their past memories. There is no screaming (albeit a very small outcry by the female lead), no frantic tears over a lost love (as is very common in the Korean entertainment world), minimal conversation between the two.
But there is definitely a presence of deep feelings. Deep, deep feelings and an incredibly heavy mood that I found it difficult not to be sunk into the movie despite its slowness.
It’s clear by the first half of the movie that the female character is struggling over her decision to leave - and although the ending is very inexplicit and vague, I think the fate of their relationship is made very clear through various shots and hints given throughout the film
The film moved me in such a way and managed to completely break my heart despite the lack of dialogue or outward emotion. I ended up going on Naver to see what Korean people thought, and it was given pretty negative reviews - but I honestly think the characters were developed well, and the movie is one of the most thought-provoking ones I’ve seen in a long while.

I would not watch it again, however. I think the novelty of the film is reserved only for the first time.
I realized this toward the end of the film, but I think one of the reasons the movie impacted me so much is because…it reminded me so much of a particular relationship in my life that I had in the past.
I think this was largely due to the unspoken nature of our relationship - like the couple in the movie, we never fought or verbally acknowledged that there was something wrong, even though both of us recognized that countless things were wrong. There were so many long pauses in between sentences as we struggled to choose our next words. The mood was always so heavy, so frustrating, so full of emotion. I wanted to scream and yell, tell him how much he hurt me, tell him how he’s broken so many things. Instead, like the couple in the film, we were just there, carefully choosing our next words, smiling softly at one another, being courteous, offering to help each other - even during the time period when things were most strained.
In reflection upon it now, I wish we had had the courage to argue, to yell - a display of outward emotion that would have made very clear of our inward feelings, that would have broken the incredibly dense mood before it was too late. Instead, we were too busy being nice. I remember that particular day - OUR very own last day together - and how I worked to suppress my emotion, occupy myself busily in helping him clean up his place as he was getting prepared to move hours away from the location where we had spent most of our time together.  How ironic is it that I can find so many parallels between this day and the day portrayed in the film?  Throughout that day, we exchanged no words for the broken relationship that was to happen in a matter of hours, no display of emotion despite the fact that in my mind, I had already broken into a million different pieces, a total mess. I didn’t shed a single tear.
The relationship has been over for a while now, and it doesn’t affect me nowadays at all. It’s interesting, though, that I never noted this particular element of the relationship until I watched this movie. I was not the usual, bubbly, happy self in this relationship. Instead, I had been transformed into someone deeper, someone struggling to find her words, someone forced to keep her deepest emotions locked up inside. It’s really interesting what life does to you sometimes. And it’s even more interesting when life takes a movie to help you recognize it for what it actually was.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Thoughts thoughts thoughts

February 26, 2011

Gasp.

New post?

I think I'm returning this blog to what it was before I went abroad - a place for lots of venting and frustration in the midst of Penn's craziness.

I'm really sad that I never got around to updating the rest of my study abroad craziness... BUT!  I'm returning to LA this coming Friday for Spring Break and there is hope that I will (finally) get around to posting pictures and stories from abroad, although they'd most likely be in an abridged version.

I can't remember why I opened my blog (and this blogpost) right now, but excuse the confused jumble of thoughts that might come out from reading the rest of this post.

I think this semester has confirmed just how quickly our lives can change within a matter of days hours  minutes seconds.  We might be happy and content one second, only to be completely shattered the next by a phone call, an email, or someone walking in through the door.  The opposite is also true, of course (so as to not make this a super emo post).

Friendships have been broken, mended, and broken again.  Same mistakes have occurred, even after vowing not to repeat.  There have been lots of happiness and new developments on a variety of levels.  My return to Penn was definitely not a smooth ride thus far.

It's surprising how quickly we can adapt to change.  Recalling back to last year around this time, I realized that so much has changed - within myself, in my relationships with others, in my walk with God.  And once again, I'm realizing that what really matters is perspective.

There was a moment last week when I thought quite depressingly about how quickly things have changed, and how we virtually have no control over what's going to happen to us next - then I realized that I could really turn that around and instead be super excited over what God has in store for me in the next few weeks days hours minutes seconds.  I'll never know when He chooses to bring a complete random stranger in my life, only to have that person develop fully into someone I appreciate and love.

And He remains so everlasting, my constant, my rock, my redeemer.

Once again, I'm learning that I can only hold onto Him in this ever-changing world.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Diversion #2: Just a list...

October 15, 2010

Diversion #2 today and a quick post because I suddenly felt homesick:

I miss.........

  • Having good Korean food right around the corner
  • Big, wide streets
  • DRIVING [on the correct side ;)]
  • Authentic Mexican food / EL TAURINO'S
  • A P O (need I say more?) (website curtesy of my Little <3 )
  • Staying after exec meeting, not working when we should be working, "studying" (aka singing Disney songs), random trips to Wawa at 3am, being trapped in the APO Bubble and going to eat at random Thai restaurants, celebrating when it's not raining/dreary for once in Philly, throwing really bad surprise birthday parties, having email chains with big "meow" and "rawr", yelling at Omar/Christian.....(the list can go on forever)
  • Walking through the Penn Bookstore to get to class
  • Skipping class for various reasons ;)
  • Staying up literally all-night because of really good conversations
  • Studying at Meyerson until 5am (I hear it's been renovated? whattttt?)
  • ^ Going to McDonald's to get coffee at all hours of the night (I want coffee SO badly right now)
  • Walking down LOCUST WALK. I even miss flyering on it! Oh my...
  • Doing random things like: going to FroGro at 1am to buy a blender and make smoothies, going out for walks in the rain, making snowmen instead of studying...
  • Going out to BYO Dinners with the group!
There is so much more, but I'm stopping now because I really need to go read for tomorrow's seminar...

Although it is true that I miss Penn and home a lot, I know for a fact that when I go back, I'll be missing Cardiff like crazy. I guess this just goes hand-in-hand with my last entry (diversion #1)...

Clarification: I still really, really love it here. :) I'm SO thankful for SO many things right now, including all the people I've been blessed to meet here and all those that are back home, supporting me no matter what. 

Thursday, October 14, 2010

A little diversion to the side...

(A small diversion from my Study Abroad "Day Journals"...)
Time is flying by, slipping away from my fingers, fading by way too quickly.

Strange how these thoughts came up when I am sitting right now in a coffee shop (that has become my favorite since day 1 here in Cardiff) and doing some work. I am reading an article by Stuart Hall on cultural representation and race...the meaning of differences and all the theories behind them. It's quite interesting and something that interests me very much (that's why I am a communication major). Throughout his article, Hall mentions Roland Barthes a lot - which is continuously reminding me of my internship over the summer at the ICI.

I miss interning at the ICI a lot.  It was such an amazing experience of cultural analysis, discussions that would get my brain flowing like none other. I met such great people.

I'm struggling to make a decision about staying here for an entire year or leave as planned in December after just one semester abroad. Whenever I am meeting new people or hanging out with some people whom I've become very fond of in such a short amount of time, I really wish I can stay for a whole year and get the full-on experience of student life at Cardiff. This struck me especially when I was looking into the different ministries that CU runs yesterday (yeah, I'm not there in my "day journals" yet...I'll get there eventually) - there are things that I would have started this semester but would never be able to see how it ends.

I received an email from a friend back in Penn with some mischievous(?) happenings of our group of friends that got me wishing I could be there and here simultaneously. Then, I felt: "that's where I belong." They've become my home at Penn. But I've started to establish a home here too. Walking down the street and hearing, "Hi Ellie!" from a new friend (everyone calls me Ellie here...I started introducing myself as this pet name at first because Alisha and my names were so similar that people got confused, then I realized that Ellie is much easier to pronounce...now it's just gotten stuck) makes me feel like I am home here too.

Where was I going with this entry...?

Oh yeah. Time is flying by. I don't like it one bit. Life has become all about readjusting...adjusting from LA to Penn, from Penn back to LA, from LA now to Cardiff - and in the future, whenever I decide to be back, from Cardiff to Penn. It's so weird how I'm already forgetting what Penn is like as university life here has overwhelmed my so-called "college experience".

One thing remains firm though, whether I decide to stay here for a year or leave after this semester: studying abroad was the best decision I ever made in College, along with joining APO.

:)

Monday, May 24, 2010

Because of you

Sometimes, I wish that things were different so that on a night like tonight, I can just pick up the phone and call you. Just to say "hey, how's life?" - to see what you are up to, to laugh about the memories, to show you how mature I've gotten since the last time we talked, to get into a silly argument with you that clearly shows that I still have a long way to go.

Sometimes, I wish that I hadn't been so black-and-white on the situation. I wish I hadn't pretended that I didn't care when I clearly did.

Does this mean that I regret my actions? Nope. I don't believe in regrets.
Is it too late for us to be friends? Probably not.
Do I want to open up a line of communication between us? At this point, yes.
What then, is stopping me from picking up the phone and calling you right now? I don't know.

For a while, because of bitterness or what-not, I tried really hard not to care. But now ironically, I feel bad that I have stopped caring so much. I don't know if it's the fact that it's you, or the fact that I have essentially shunned a person that used to mean so much in my life, but I would like to reintroduce me to you.

So much has changed since then - and so much has still changed since the last time we spoke.

It's funny how due to my terrible memory and my "over-moving-on" problem, I can't even remember what spending time with you is like - I can't remember what kind of lifestyle I enjoyed with you being a constant factor or even much of your personality despite the fact that I knew you at such an intimate level for almost a year.

But there's something in me that still wants to preserve the little memories that I can remember from that era in my life. Maybe it's just because looking back upon it now, it's all so faded and vague that I am curious what it actually was like.

Or maybe I just have too much time in my hands right now and am thinking way too much...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A Trip to Memory Lane




<- Corsage from my Senior Prom (2008)










Something about Prom still makes me feel all giddy inside. Although I went to two proms (one in 2007, when I was a Junior because I had a boyfriend who was a Senior and my own in 2008), the latter one remains much more special to me. Although due to my terrible memory, I cannot remember much from either night (I was intending to use the word unforgettable but realized it does not quite apply), they each had a charm to them. The first prom in 2007 was fun in that the boyfriend at the time and I were cutesy and all, but my own prom in 2008 was quite a "high school senior" moment, where we suddenly realized that graduation was soon approaching.

Tonight, in the midst of writing my personal statement for study abroad, I began to look through my high school photo albums and ended up dwelling quite a bit on my senior prom pictures. Having taken a very good friend of mine since middle school as my date, I had a good time with him and my best guy friend - the three of us got on surprisingly well, I remember, and we were dancing with a group of friends that only high school could have created.

Looking through the pictures, I realized how gorgeous everyone had looked and how for some reason we had all obsessed ourselves with taking pictures with everybody (therefore, I have a collection of pictures with people that never would have been brought up in my memory tonight otherwise). I smile now at the various moments on the dance floor that remain special to me: the slightly awkward slow dance, the collaboration of P&B with me, the fun moments with P to the widely popular-then song "Low". There's something about the innocence that prevailed throughout the moments that captures me still now, even though I know now that it was foolish for us to think we were so grown up back then.

Although high school in general has such a big, fond part of my heart, senior year was, by far, one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I remember treasuring many, many moments, aside from prom. And these memories are the ones that help me get through when I feel like too much pressure is on my shoulders, when my motivation to continue needs a little boost. Cheers to you, 2008 - because you not only made so many things happen, but continue to make things happen today.