Goodbye, Summer 2010.

September 20, 2010

"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it."
- Edith Wharton

This little notebook was my sidekick throughout my adventures(?) during the summer of 2010. This book marks the three different chapters of my life (although "chapters" is not the precise word to note my summer since all three parts took place simultaneously). It's kind of serving as a "time capsule" for my hectic summer, and I think it'll be a nice tradition to uphold throughout the different stages in my life.

I'm the type of person who loves scribbling notes - although I am basically inseparable from my computer (sad, I know), I prefer to brainstorm and write notes down on a piece of paper rather than on a word document. It's just the way I do things.

The book is pretty much finalized now (although there is absolutely nothing final about it) - and here is a little glimpse into what is in each tab of the book (and therefore a glimpse into the three different parts of my summer):

Chapter 1: My internship with GAP

The first tab indicates the first internship that I started with a non-profit autism organization. On the right of the picture is a page from that tab...my incredibly messy notes from one of our weekly meetings in WeHo. A lot of my job involved contacting organizations for sponsorships as well as getting word out about the event. Although the actual day of the event was fun (as I went kayaking for the first time ever!), I don't think I'll do it again if I were given the chance. We really lacked the resources we needed for our efforts to be effective - things were just so disorganized all the time!

Enter Chapter 2: My internship with the ICI

A glimpse into my internship

My second internship over the summer was really awesome. The two pages above show the variety of tasks I was given in a particular week - everything from researching Internet tools for the Institute to use to managing a blog was fair game! It was a really amazing experience. Everyday, my critical thinking levels were challenged as my meetings with the Director led into discussions about society, culture, communication, the Internet...I realized so many things about the Internet, non-profit world and relationships among people through this internship. Love, love, love. I found that this internship was really perfect for me - I would love to do something like this for a career.  Above all, I think I really need to be around people who analyze culture almost instinctively - I love having interesting conversations that trigger thoughts in my head to such an extent that I am reminded of it throughout my non-work everyday life.

Enter Chapter 3: Part-time job at TLC

A glimpse into everyday life at TLC

And finally...Chapter 3: TLC. As I have noted in my previous entry, I worked at the same Learning Center for 3 consecutive summers. I won't go into much detail about my experience there (as I have multiple blog entries about it), but here is a glimpse of what my days were like while teaching! On the left is my little "grading sheet" that kept track of where each student was in terms of grammar packets (some kids came later, that's why there are so many blank spaces...others were on different levels, some always came late and never did grammar packets). Note the big "LOST" on one of the spaces. It's so typical of them to lose packets...*sigh*. The page on the right shows an agenda that I had planned on a day-to-day basis as well as a seating chart I had to implement due to high levels of noise. The seating chart is incomplete though - I had way more kids than that at one point! It was quite tricky to break-up "pairs" of friends on completely different parts of the classroom - oh the life of a teacher.

Throughout the summer, I was very rarely found without that pink notebook in hand. Now, I put the pink notebook away and along with it all the memories of this summer. It's been an extremely long break (I can't believe I have been home since May 18th!), but it was very productive. Now it's time to enter Fall 2010 - hello, Wales!

Is it really...over?

September 10, 2010

the last stack of papers

I can't believe it's all over.

My two internships and part-time job - they're all finished. Completed. Done.

This past Wednesday was my last day at the learning center - and on Tuesday night, I graded my last stack of papers. I don't know if the picture above truly indicates how big these stacks of paper were that I had to deal with on an every-other-day basis, but they were quite a pain. Countless journals, vocabulary sentences, reading packets, grammar packets, writing packets...but I am going to miss the small surprises that I received as I went through them (as I have noted in my previous entries) and all the lessons I learned from them.

I was kind of sad that so few kids were remaining on my last day of work, and some of my favorites had already quit (yes, teachers always do have favorites!) - but I was happy to get out of there having experienced some of the sweetest moments I had in all three summers of my teaching experience. Honestly though, it's harder and harder to get attached to the kids at a personal level each year. I haven't figured out why this is - maybe the attitude I come in every summer is detached every year, maybe the kids are just changing to an impersonal level, maybe the gap between the kids and me is growing as I get older. I don't know. The first summer that I taught at the learning center, I was in charge of 3rd-5th graders and a small group of middle-schoolers - but I became attached to them at the end of the summer and had known them at an intimate level. Maybe it's due to the fact that we went on a summer trip together, but the goodbye was sadder back then. In fact, I felt weird at the end of Wednesday that I didn't feel very attached to these kids at all. Maybe it's due to the fact that this summer, I was only at the learning center on Mondays and Wednesdays, from 8am to 3pm, as opposed to last two summers where I was there full time from 8am to 6pm, Monday-Thursday.

Whatever the reason may be for my particular detachment from the kids this summer, I am done with the learning center. I wish I can see them grow to mature little beings (and see 'M' get his "mastery degree" from Harvard at age 20), but this is where my "fate" with them ends. I have come to realize that connections between people - "destiny and fate" between two people - cannot be forged, manipulated or forced. If it's meant to be, we'll see each other again someday. If it's meant to be, we'll be in each other's lives even if we will against it. That's just how life goes.

I totally didn't expect this entry on saying goodbye to the learning center to end up being this lengthy and was thus planning to write on my final roles as an intern on this post as well - but that will just have to wait for another day.

Summer is coming to a close. I'm honestly scared for what's coming up next.

The Fantastic Four, Erasers, Chaos, and a Little Bit of Faith

August 31, 2010

A quick entry here before I go to bed...

Today was a struggle for me at work - two of the teachers at the Learning Center were absent, so the rest of us all had to squeeze as many kids as we can into our classrooms.  I ended up having to "adopt" 4th and 5th graders into my middle school classroom, and it was an absolute chaos.  The most notorious four students in the entire Learning Center were placed together in my classroom (the "Fantastic Four" as my sister calls them), and I almost broke down and cried at how terrible they were.

The entire day was filled with "Teacher! He said that #($@#*#JDSF" and "TEACHER! I need help!" and "TEACHER! He keeps on pushing me!" and "TEACHER! He's not giving me the eraser!" and "Can I go to the bathroom?" and "How come he gets a star and I don't?" and...oh my, I can go on forever.

Needless to say, I was exhausted from dealing with 20-some 3rd-8th graders all in the same classroom, and by lunch I was in such a crabby mood that I just wanted to put my head down and get away.

In the midst of all this, a sweet moment ensued.

One of our "Fantastic Four" threw an eraser across the room at another student, who then went on to blame another member of the "Fantastic Four" (but not the actual culprit). Trouble followed as the wrongly accused student bursted out in anger and frustration while everyone called him a liar. He was already off his seat, screaming at everyone and swearing on "his life" and "God" and everything else he can think of to defend himself.  I understood where the other kids came from, however; this particular student was usually the one behind this nonsense of throwing objects at other students. The situation was quickly getting out of hand, and I pulled the wrongly accused student away from the rest of them in an attempt to calm him down.

I told him, "I trust you. I believe you when you said you didn't throw the eraser at him."
He answered, a bit calmer, "But _______ said that no one believes me except the teacher."
I told him, "I believe you. And God believes you, if you are telling the truth. Isn't that all that matters?"
He looked at me for a moment, then looked down, and nodded. Then he silently went back to work.

This little scene touched me so much.  Isn't it wonderful how amazing our God is and how true his justice is? I hope to apply the advice that I told the student in my own life when I feel like I've been wronged.  Our Heavenly Father always knows the truth, as He can see our inner heart motives...and isn't that what matters?  No need to justify and defend myself all the time...

I am learning so much from these kids, even though on days like these when all I want to do is just quit and walk out.  I pray each day that I can be a little more patient, a little more loving, and a little more of a reflection of God for these little individuals who still need a lot of guidance. :)

Dreams.

August 29, 2010

Earlier tonight, I was rummaging through some of my sister's stuff to clear out her desk when I found an envelope full of Journals that she had yet to grade.  We shared the same group of middle school students throughout this summer - my sister taught them Math, and I had them for English, but regardless they were all required to write Journals everyday.

I began to browse through some of the entries out of curiosity and found this:

Topic: Imagine that your biggest and most impossible dream has come true.
Student's Response: My biggest and impossible dream would be to be the nicest person in the world.

This particular student had struck both my sister and me as someone who is mature for her age, but this entry really distinguishes her as someone different.  I was touched and inspired by her selfless thoughts.  Her journal entry goes on to state that if she was the nicest person in the world, then she would be a better representation of what being a Christian is; as a result, the world would have more Christians and thus would be a better place.

It's nice to know that the newer generation ISN'T all filled with "Oh-My-GOD" teenagers who are stuck to their iPhones ;)

Oh, and I found this other entry that made me giggle:

Journal Topic: Imagine you are sixty right now, and you are one of the most successful people in the world.  Write your autobiography. (typical of them to incorrectly modify journal prompts...)

Student's Response: (read the last sentence)

"When I was 20 I went to harvard and I got a mastery degree".

WHAT A CUTIEPIE. This particular student and I have a complete love-and-hate relationship. I yell at him nonstop during class, but he is my baby outside of the classroom. "Mastery degree"...haha. ;) I love how the kids just pick up things from here and there and put them together!

The past week has been the roughest week so far of summer 2010, and I've been struggling. A few things throughout the week cheered me up, namely one skype date with a friend who makes me laugh constantly and a short hangout with another friend who was in LA for a layover.  These journal entries from my students just added onto the upward momentum as they are quite inspiring!

On a different note:
(Pardon the awful image quality)

I came across this picture while flipping through a magazine today and instantly wanted to have this in my future home. We currently have a ton of books just piled up in one of our closets because of a lack of bookshelf space, and I always thought that there must be a better way to display them. Voila!  I would love to have a library in my future house - a room dedicated to books, where my friends/future kids/their friends/relatives, etc etc can just come and read. I have a thing where I don't like borrowing books from the library - I just end up buying all the books I want to read, so it seems that I will have quite a collection in a few years.

This is going into my bucket list!

Elisa's Bucket List (so far) - in no particular order
Last Updated 8/29/2010

1.   Fall in love & never, ever let go.

2.   Go to an H.O.T. concert

3.   Go on a short-term mission

4.   Go skydiving

5.   Hike the Half-Dome

6.   Fish a shark

7.   Learn to swim

8.   Go swimming with dolphins

9.   Watch a solar eclipse with someone special

10.                 Go on a road trip

11.                 Donate to a university in the form of a scholarship

12.                 Open a bakery

13.                 Travel around Europe

14.                 Visit a pyramid

15.                 Go to the Great Wall of China

16.                 Have children

17.                 Cook a Thanksgiving meal

18.                 Finish the BBC 100 book list

19.                 Be in a musical

20.                 Play the piano at a church

21.                 Study abroad

22.                 Pet a baby tiger

23.                 Have a library in home

Curating from My Distress

August 18, 2010

Making the filling for the cream puffs

After 5-10 minutes the homemade vanilla pudding is almost ready!

Puffing up in the oven!

Yesterday, I grudgingly headed to work at the learning center after stressing over the visa situation throughout the night.

During lunch time, after I had eaten, I picked up this small 100-piece puzzle box that some kid had left on my desk instead of correcting the endless piles of work as I should have done.  I was tired, stressed, and frustrated after another long battle with the middle schoolers that morning.  As I turned the box of puzzles up-side-down and began to mindlessly put the pieces together, two of my students gathered around me and helped me put them together.

We spent the next 30 minutes putting the puzzle together, and - as if it had meant to be all along - we finished as soon as the clock hit 1:30pm, just in time for lunch break to be over.

As we were solving the puzzle together, the more talkative one of the two students began to ask me a bunch of random questions ("Teacher, what do you do for fun?", "Teacher, how's your life?", "Teacher, you wish that *insert another student's name here* never came huh?", "Teacher, who is your favorite student?").  As I gave nonchalant answers to these questions, one question in particular stood out: "Teacher, what do you do when you're feeling upset and need to calm down?"

First of all, I thought it was weird that he would ask me such a question.  Second, I was surprised at how I didn't know the answer to that question immediately.  It was even more ironic because I had been feeling exactly that way - upset - at that moment.  My first instinct was to tell him, "I talk to my friends", but that was not particularly true, especially at that moment.

It wasn't until I headed home after work that it hit me.  What do I do when I'm upset?  I write.  I read.  I talk with some of my best friends.  What do I do when I'm so upset and exhausted after a really tough day at work where the last thing I want to do is exercise my brain some more?

I bake.

Duh.

How could I have forgotten my greatest (and yummiest) remedy?

There's something about baking that calms and delights me.  I love the fact that I'm creating something by combining a bunch of ingredients that can't really be eaten alone.  At my internship, we talk a lot about the definition of "curating" - well, I think baking is definitely a curation.  Anyhow, that's how I ended up in the kitchen when I got home, humming along and making homemade cream puffs.  I love making cream puffs because there's so much transformation involved.  The filling is made by combining simple ingredients - milk, sugar, salt, egg yolk, butter, and vanilla extract - in the saucepan.  I love seeing how the watery mixture turns into thick, gooey yumminess over time.  The dough is also prepared over heat, and then baked in the oven for 20 minutes.  In those short 20 minutes, the dough gets transformed from a sticky yellow mixture to a puffy pastry!

Thanks to the high stress levels in my system and a little guidance from a student, my family now has a batch of fresh cream puffs to enjoy.

"When life gives you lemons...bake?"

*On a side note, my visa problem has been solved!! I received an email from the British Embassy today stating that my visa application has been approved and that the visa will come tomorrow along with my passport - but more on that tomorrow!*