The Fantastic Four, Erasers, Chaos, and a Little Bit of Faith

August 31, 2010

A quick entry here before I go to bed...

Today was a struggle for me at work - two of the teachers at the Learning Center were absent, so the rest of us all had to squeeze as many kids as we can into our classrooms.  I ended up having to "adopt" 4th and 5th graders into my middle school classroom, and it was an absolute chaos.  The most notorious four students in the entire Learning Center were placed together in my classroom (the "Fantastic Four" as my sister calls them), and I almost broke down and cried at how terrible they were.

The entire day was filled with "Teacher! He said that #($@#*#JDSF" and "TEACHER! I need help!" and "TEACHER! He keeps on pushing me!" and "TEACHER! He's not giving me the eraser!" and "Can I go to the bathroom?" and "How come he gets a star and I don't?" and...oh my, I can go on forever.

Needless to say, I was exhausted from dealing with 20-some 3rd-8th graders all in the same classroom, and by lunch I was in such a crabby mood that I just wanted to put my head down and get away.

In the midst of all this, a sweet moment ensued.

One of our "Fantastic Four" threw an eraser across the room at another student, who then went on to blame another member of the "Fantastic Four" (but not the actual culprit). Trouble followed as the wrongly accused student bursted out in anger and frustration while everyone called him a liar. He was already off his seat, screaming at everyone and swearing on "his life" and "God" and everything else he can think of to defend himself.  I understood where the other kids came from, however; this particular student was usually the one behind this nonsense of throwing objects at other students. The situation was quickly getting out of hand, and I pulled the wrongly accused student away from the rest of them in an attempt to calm him down.

I told him, "I trust you. I believe you when you said you didn't throw the eraser at him."
He answered, a bit calmer, "But _______ said that no one believes me except the teacher."
I told him, "I believe you. And God believes you, if you are telling the truth. Isn't that all that matters?"
He looked at me for a moment, then looked down, and nodded. Then he silently went back to work.

This little scene touched me so much.  Isn't it wonderful how amazing our God is and how true his justice is? I hope to apply the advice that I told the student in my own life when I feel like I've been wronged.  Our Heavenly Father always knows the truth, as He can see our inner heart motives...and isn't that what matters?  No need to justify and defend myself all the time...

I am learning so much from these kids, even though on days like these when all I want to do is just quit and walk out.  I pray each day that I can be a little more patient, a little more loving, and a little more of a reflection of God for these little individuals who still need a lot of guidance. :)

Dreams.

August 29, 2010

Earlier tonight, I was rummaging through some of my sister's stuff to clear out her desk when I found an envelope full of Journals that she had yet to grade.  We shared the same group of middle school students throughout this summer - my sister taught them Math, and I had them for English, but regardless they were all required to write Journals everyday.

I began to browse through some of the entries out of curiosity and found this:

Topic: Imagine that your biggest and most impossible dream has come true.
Student's Response: My biggest and impossible dream would be to be the nicest person in the world.

This particular student had struck both my sister and me as someone who is mature for her age, but this entry really distinguishes her as someone different.  I was touched and inspired by her selfless thoughts.  Her journal entry goes on to state that if she was the nicest person in the world, then she would be a better representation of what being a Christian is; as a result, the world would have more Christians and thus would be a better place.

It's nice to know that the newer generation ISN'T all filled with "Oh-My-GOD" teenagers who are stuck to their iPhones ;)

Oh, and I found this other entry that made me giggle:

Journal Topic: Imagine you are sixty right now, and you are one of the most successful people in the world.  Write your autobiography. (typical of them to incorrectly modify journal prompts...)

Student's Response: (read the last sentence)

"When I was 20 I went to harvard and I got a mastery degree".

WHAT A CUTIEPIE. This particular student and I have a complete love-and-hate relationship. I yell at him nonstop during class, but he is my baby outside of the classroom. "Mastery degree"...haha. ;) I love how the kids just pick up things from here and there and put them together!

The past week has been the roughest week so far of summer 2010, and I've been struggling. A few things throughout the week cheered me up, namely one skype date with a friend who makes me laugh constantly and a short hangout with another friend who was in LA for a layover.  These journal entries from my students just added onto the upward momentum as they are quite inspiring!

On a different note:
(Pardon the awful image quality)

I came across this picture while flipping through a magazine today and instantly wanted to have this in my future home. We currently have a ton of books just piled up in one of our closets because of a lack of bookshelf space, and I always thought that there must be a better way to display them. Voila!  I would love to have a library in my future house - a room dedicated to books, where my friends/future kids/their friends/relatives, etc etc can just come and read. I have a thing where I don't like borrowing books from the library - I just end up buying all the books I want to read, so it seems that I will have quite a collection in a few years.

This is going into my bucket list!

Elisa's Bucket List (so far) - in no particular order
Last Updated 8/29/2010

1.   Fall in love & never, ever let go.

2.   Go to an H.O.T. concert

3.   Go on a short-term mission

4.   Go skydiving

5.   Hike the Half-Dome

6.   Fish a shark

7.   Learn to swim

8.   Go swimming with dolphins

9.   Watch a solar eclipse with someone special

10.                 Go on a road trip

11.                 Donate to a university in the form of a scholarship

12.                 Open a bakery

13.                 Travel around Europe

14.                 Visit a pyramid

15.                 Go to the Great Wall of China

16.                 Have children

17.                 Cook a Thanksgiving meal

18.                 Finish the BBC 100 book list

19.                 Be in a musical

20.                 Play the piano at a church

21.                 Study abroad

22.                 Pet a baby tiger

23.                 Have a library in home

Receiving the Visa = Highlight of My Week

August 22, 2010

Finally!

I finally received my Tier 4 General Student Visa in the mail earlier this week after an anxious instance where my application was almost denied!  THAT was pretty scary, but I'm so glad everything got sorted out!  Who knew that the UK had such stringent requirements?

I received in the mail the visa along with all the other documents that I sent them minus the actual applications (yes, there were three different applications to be filled out).  I still think it's kind of ridiculous how I had to send in my no-longer-valid Korean passport as well - what would they have done if I no longer had it in my possession?  I mean, it's not valid anymore since I am no longer a citizen of Korea...

The visa was mailed via UPS "next day air" method (although I'm confident that it didn't fly here from the British consulate in LA, which is literally 20 minutes away from my house).  It was kind of nice how they were extremely prompt about sending off the visa - one good thing out of this stressful experience!

I met with a couple of friends from Penn today, and we ended up hanging out in a spa, which was a really cool experience (but I'll save that for another day).  Since Penn's Fall 2010 semester is starting so soon, this was the last time I would see them until I came back from Wales.  It feels so weird that I won't be there in the fall!  I feel like I should be doing some sort of preparations to go back to Philly.  I am really sad that I'll be missing out so much in the fall, but I'm sure the semester would fly by as usual, and it'll be *gasp* the second semester of junior year in no time.

I'm not going to lie - my thoughts about studying abroad and Wales aren't all just filled with excitement - I'm actually more worried now than before.  There's so much to prepare, and I am so not ready!  Clock is ticking....

Curating from My Distress

August 18, 2010

Making the filling for the cream puffs

After 5-10 minutes the homemade vanilla pudding is almost ready!

Puffing up in the oven!

Yesterday, I grudgingly headed to work at the learning center after stressing over the visa situation throughout the night.

During lunch time, after I had eaten, I picked up this small 100-piece puzzle box that some kid had left on my desk instead of correcting the endless piles of work as I should have done.  I was tired, stressed, and frustrated after another long battle with the middle schoolers that morning.  As I turned the box of puzzles up-side-down and began to mindlessly put the pieces together, two of my students gathered around me and helped me put them together.

We spent the next 30 minutes putting the puzzle together, and - as if it had meant to be all along - we finished as soon as the clock hit 1:30pm, just in time for lunch break to be over.

As we were solving the puzzle together, the more talkative one of the two students began to ask me a bunch of random questions ("Teacher, what do you do for fun?", "Teacher, how's your life?", "Teacher, you wish that *insert another student's name here* never came huh?", "Teacher, who is your favorite student?").  As I gave nonchalant answers to these questions, one question in particular stood out: "Teacher, what do you do when you're feeling upset and need to calm down?"

First of all, I thought it was weird that he would ask me such a question.  Second, I was surprised at how I didn't know the answer to that question immediately.  It was even more ironic because I had been feeling exactly that way - upset - at that moment.  My first instinct was to tell him, "I talk to my friends", but that was not particularly true, especially at that moment.

It wasn't until I headed home after work that it hit me.  What do I do when I'm upset?  I write.  I read.  I talk with some of my best friends.  What do I do when I'm so upset and exhausted after a really tough day at work where the last thing I want to do is exercise my brain some more?

I bake.

Duh.

How could I have forgotten my greatest (and yummiest) remedy?

There's something about baking that calms and delights me.  I love the fact that I'm creating something by combining a bunch of ingredients that can't really be eaten alone.  At my internship, we talk a lot about the definition of "curating" - well, I think baking is definitely a curation.  Anyhow, that's how I ended up in the kitchen when I got home, humming along and making homemade cream puffs.  I love making cream puffs because there's so much transformation involved.  The filling is made by combining simple ingredients - milk, sugar, salt, egg yolk, butter, and vanilla extract - in the saucepan.  I love seeing how the watery mixture turns into thick, gooey yumminess over time.  The dough is also prepared over heat, and then baked in the oven for 20 minutes.  In those short 20 minutes, the dough gets transformed from a sticky yellow mixture to a puffy pastry!

Thanks to the high stress levels in my system and a little guidance from a student, my family now has a batch of fresh cream puffs to enjoy.

"When life gives you lemons...bake?"

*On a side note, my visa problem has been solved!! I received an email from the British Embassy today stating that my visa application has been approved and that the visa will come tomorrow along with my passport - but more on that tomorrow!*

Crap. Visa Problems

August 16, 2010

I received a Visa update from the British Embassy here in Los Angeles yesterday. It seems that I had read the details of the visa requirements incorrectly, and my Visa application to the UK is in deep jeopardy of getting rejected.

I freaked out the entire day and night yesterday - I sent in an additional document of the financial aid package I received from Penn hoping that it would suffice the funds requirement for the Tier 4 General Student Visa to the UK, but honestly I am not sure if that will work.  Worst case scenario, I would be entering the UK as a student visitor and therefore getting my visa at the Heathrow Airport on the day of my arrival, but I'd still rather not have to deal with the anxiety.

In a way, I'm glad that this problem was detected relatively early, since I still have time before arriving to the UK to figure out things.  Now that I've calmed down from the incident, all I have to do is wait until the end of the week and see if I'd be granted the Tier 4 Visa or would have to be extra prepared to enter as a Student Visitor on the day of my arrival at Heathrow.

This is extra frustrating since I had to somehow provide proof that I had funds ready BEFORE the date of my application - so despite the fact that I have it ready in a bank account right now, it would not meet the requirements.  It's also frustrating because I have so many other things to worry about including signing up for classes (which I still haven't done and will not receive the information to do so until the end of this month), figuring out cell phone usage, as well as bank account stuff.

I'm praying and hoping that the Penn financial aid package letter would suffice, and I won't have to deal with more Visa stuff on the day of my arrival.  I have definitely learned my lesson though - and it's a good lesson to be learned.

Calm, Cool, and Wonderful

August 10, 2010

A little past midnight.  Sitting alone in the quiet apartment in front of the dining table with my work laptop out.  Focusing, brainstorming, scribbling notes - working late into the night for my internship meeting tomorrow.  Soft music playing in the background from Pandora.

Pausing to notice the tranquility that completely surrounds the night.  Feeling the cool air coming in from the slightly open window - the fresh, LA, summer breeze.  This year, we've been lucky that the weather hasn't been scorching.  The heat hasn't been unbearable, and the sun is wonderful as always.

Then it hit me: I love this.  I love working like this to the midst of the night.  This is the highlight of my busy Monday that starts 8 in the morning with a headache from the rowdy, puberty-struck middle schoolers that I teach until late into the afternoon.  The headache and exhaustion last such a long time that when I come home, I need at least a couple of hours to recuperate before dinner.  Then again, I work on my other two internships.  Yes, I have overbooked my summer this year.  But I love it.

Tomorrow, I will return home once again exhausted - a different type of exhaustion, since I won't be seeing the kids but will instead be in a meeting for my internship all day.  I won't be able to spare a couple of hours to recuperate before dinnertime tomorrow, however, since I will come home just in time for the last meal of the day.  Then, a different task will await me - piles and piles of things to grade for my lovely but terrible students.

Yes, it's stressful.  Yes, I have to work throughout the weekend to catch up on my third responsibility this summer - my second internship.  But I love and embrace it.

Summer 2010 - this is exactly what I needed.  Isn't it funny how He always knows?

A Good Reminder

August 7, 2010

I came across this the other day and had meant to repost it for a while now, but it wasn't until today that I finally got around to doing it.

TEN THINGS GOD WON’T ASK ON THAT DAY.

1…. God won’t ask what kind of car you drove. He’ll ask how many people you
 drove who didn’t have transportation..

2…. God won’t ask the square footage of your house, He’ll ask how many people 
you welcomed into your home.

3…. God won’t ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He’ll ask how many you helped to clothe.

4…. God won’t ask what your highest salary was. He’ll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5…. God won’t ask what your job title was. He’ll ask if you performed your 
job to the best of your ability.

6…. God won’t ask how many friends you had. He’ll ask how many people to
 whom you were a friend.

7…. God won’t ask in what neighborhood you lived, He’ll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8…. God won’t ask about the color of your skin, He’ll ask about the content 
of your character.

9…. God won’t ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation. He’ll lovingly 
take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

10…. God won’t have to ask how many people you forwarded this to, He already knows your decision.

Obviously, I'm not in an email kind of situation right now and therefore not in the position to "forward" this message, but I just wanted to keep it here, in my own little space, in case I needed the reminder.

Control

August 2, 2010

http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2010/08/kill-the-spider/

I hate feeling like I'm losing control.  I've been feeling this way for the past two weeks or so.  I go through these phases - constant up and down and up and down - of where I feel stable, in God's hands, then once again, grasping desperately to control my life and surroundings again.

And obviously, that doesn't work out and in the end, I feel helpless again until I find God and trust Him again.

Sometimes, I wish that life wasn't such a big rollercoaster all the time.  But that blogpost helped remind me of where I need to be right now.