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Sunday, May 29, 2011

A Review: "I Love You, I Don't Love You"


Wow.
So even having read the negative reviews and the fact that it was booed at the Berlin Film Festival by critics, I decided to watch this movie simply because Hyunbin was in it.
I didn’t expect myself to be in tears by the end of this very slow-moving, frustrating film. This was even more surprising given that I am so incredibly impatient. The film centers around a couple that is preparing to break up after 5 years of marriage. The entire movie takes place over a one day period - the last day the couple has together, as the female lead is packing up to leave the house for another man.
“Come Rain, Come Shine” (the English title), or “I Love You, I Don’t Love You” (the Korean title), is so strikingly different compared to a typical Korean film or drama in that there is minimal emotion shown, and even less dialogue. There are many long shots of objects, a focus drawn to the two characters’ (rather dull) interaction with items and absolutely no explicit explanation of their feelings or even their past memories. There is no screaming (albeit a very small outcry by the female lead), no frantic tears over a lost love (as is very common in the Korean entertainment world), minimal conversation between the two.
But there is definitely a presence of deep feelings. Deep, deep feelings and an incredibly heavy mood that I found it difficult not to be sunk into the movie despite its slowness.
It’s clear by the first half of the movie that the female character is struggling over her decision to leave - and although the ending is very inexplicit and vague, I think the fate of their relationship is made very clear through various shots and hints given throughout the film
The film moved me in such a way and managed to completely break my heart despite the lack of dialogue or outward emotion. I ended up going on Naver to see what Korean people thought, and it was given pretty negative reviews - but I honestly think the characters were developed well, and the movie is one of the most thought-provoking ones I’ve seen in a long while.

I would not watch it again, however. I think the novelty of the film is reserved only for the first time.
I realized this toward the end of the film, but I think one of the reasons the movie impacted me so much is because…it reminded me so much of a particular relationship in my life that I had in the past.
I think this was largely due to the unspoken nature of our relationship - like the couple in the movie, we never fought or verbally acknowledged that there was something wrong, even though both of us recognized that countless things were wrong. There were so many long pauses in between sentences as we struggled to choose our next words. The mood was always so heavy, so frustrating, so full of emotion. I wanted to scream and yell, tell him how much he hurt me, tell him how he’s broken so many things. Instead, like the couple in the film, we were just there, carefully choosing our next words, smiling softly at one another, being courteous, offering to help each other - even during the time period when things were most strained.
In reflection upon it now, I wish we had had the courage to argue, to yell - a display of outward emotion that would have made very clear of our inward feelings, that would have broken the incredibly dense mood before it was too late. Instead, we were too busy being nice. I remember that particular day - OUR very own last day together - and how I worked to suppress my emotion, occupy myself busily in helping him clean up his place as he was getting prepared to move hours away from the location where we had spent most of our time together.  How ironic is it that I can find so many parallels between this day and the day portrayed in the film?  Throughout that day, we exchanged no words for the broken relationship that was to happen in a matter of hours, no display of emotion despite the fact that in my mind, I had already broken into a million different pieces, a total mess. I didn’t shed a single tear.
The relationship has been over for a while now, and it doesn’t affect me nowadays at all. It’s interesting, though, that I never noted this particular element of the relationship until I watched this movie. I was not the usual, bubbly, happy self in this relationship. Instead, I had been transformed into someone deeper, someone struggling to find her words, someone forced to keep her deepest emotions locked up inside. It’s really interesting what life does to you sometimes. And it’s even more interesting when life takes a movie to help you recognize it for what it actually was.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Days 54 & 55 - EDINBURGH.

Okay, by now it's pretty clear that I suck at updating this...anyway on with the story!  I need to update on my study abroad adventures (yes, I am fully aware that half a year has passed by now...) before I forget them permanently :(  My bad memory will fail me soon, so I'm going to try to update as much as I can as soon as I can now that I'm on *gasp* summer break!

Day 54 (Saturday, November 13, 2010):

So this weekend I was off to Edinburgh, Scotland - one of the most beautiful cities I ever visited in my study abroad adventures.  I was joining Alisha and Alana who were had gone together to Scotland before I did (because they were on 'reading week', which my department unfortunately did not have in my stay there) - so that meant traveling to Edinburgh all by myself from Cardiff!

Due to the nature of planes and airlines and stuff like that, my route was more complex than I would have liked it - I remember replaying my schedule over and over again in my head throughout the night to make sure everything went to plan!

This was the route:

Leave Cardiff via Megabus -> Arrive in Bristol -> Take taxi from Bristol bus stop to Bristol Airport -> Board airplane to Edinburgh -> Arrive in Edinburgh -> figure out somehow to get from Edinburgh Airport to meet Alana and Alisha at City Centre (which, I realized, was not too difficult - there was a shuttle that went directly from the airport to the city centre) -> successfully meet Alana and Alisha!

According to transactions in my email records (yay!), I left Cardiff at 4am, which meant that I was walking to the bus stop (~40 minutes) in the midst of (obnoxiously) drunk people, but I remember the walk not being too bad.  Once I arrived in Bristol, I called a cab from a number I had looked up right before leaving (good call on that, as I found out that it was PITCH BLACK with no one in sight when I arrived at the bus stop).  The cab came pretty quickly, and it cost £20 to get from there to the airport, which wasn't too bad.

The taxi driver was quite nice and friendly (as most of them are in the UK) - we talked about a lot of things.  He had immigrated to the UK from Turkey, and he talked to me about how he had once driven up to Edinburgh from Cardiff, and how much he loved the city.  He also warned me about men in kilts - "they're not wearing anything inside! so when they bend down, you know...*insert a grunt of disgust*" :) He also talked to me about how much he wanted to visit America and go to Las Vegas ("are the lights really as they look on TV?") and asked me whether I liked Kebabs or not.  It was overall a very friendly and pleasant drive - thinking back now, I really miss the friendly cab drivers in the UK.

ANYWAY, back on track.  The flight from Bristol to Edinburgh wasn't anything meaningful.  Once I got off the plane, I took a shuttle bus to City Centre, which took about 35 minutes (if I remember correctly).

I also successfully met up with Alana and Alisha, which was really awesome because we had been separated for quite some time!  Nice to see friendly faces after a long journey alone :)

I. absolutely. fell. in. love. with. the. city. at. first. glance.

beautiful.
Parliament building - a cool modern structure
One of the first places we stopped by was the Holyrood House - the Queen's official residence in Scotland!


There were really cool Abbey Ruins:

gorgeous.
We couldn't take many pictures actually inside Holyrood House, but I remember there were a lot of really cool things there.  If I remember correctly, a lot of the furniture stuff there were dedicated to Queen Mary of Scots - and we also got to see a room where a lot of scandalous things happened.  Something about her husband killing her suitor?

Just looked it up in Wikipedia:

The suite of rooms on the first floor of the north-west tower comprises an audience chamber, accessed from a lobby next to the Great Gallery, and a bedroom, leading from which are two turret rooms or closets. These rooms were occupied by Lord Darnley in the 17th century, and later formed part of the Queen's apartment in the reconstructed palace, before being taken over by the Duke of Hamilton from 1684.[31] Queen Mary occupied an identical suite of rooms on the second floor of the tower: the bedchambers are linked by a private spiral stair. The Queen's outer chamber contains her oratory, and was the scene of the murder of David Rizzio, after he was dragged from the supper table in the northern turret room.[32] In later centuries, tourists were often convinced that they could see his blood stains on the floor.
So yeah, I think her husband, Lord Darnley, went into the room where Queen Mary and David Rizzio were having dinner, dragged him out, and just killed him right outside with a pregnant Mary watching.  It was super cool to stand actually at the place where he was killed!  Oh, royal Brits...

We then ventured onto climb this volcanic mountain:



It was kind of ridiculous because we saw a bunch of tourists (Spanish?) dragging ALL THEIR SUITCASES up this mountain!! Okay, so it wasn't THAT steep, but still - it was such a bad idea.

Once we got up just enough (haha, we didn't even get close to actually going up to the highest point), we were rewarded with a beautiful view of Edinburgh.




See how happy I look? Haha

Afterwards, we were all hungry and cold so we found a cute little cafe to sit down at:


I MISS AFTERNOON TEA SO MUCH.

There's a picture of me with a scone and a cup of tea but I look way too disheveled in the picture - so I'll save your eye and not put it up :)

We wandered around for a bit and found this:


The museum was free, so naturally we went inside!


There was some free demonstration going on by a woman who was acting as someone from the past (something about old Edinburgh and new Edinburgh...clearly I wasn't listening too well, but it was entertaining).  Alana got chosen to be one of the reenactors :)  The woman taught us how to drink tea and enter the carriage in a 'proper' way!  Gotta love the British ;)

We got some fudge at a fudge shop - the three of us each got a different piece to share, but I think we all decided they were SO rich that we needed them in very small doses:


Saw this dude:


Wandered for AGES looking for the Greyfriars Bobby Statue (because of Alana, a HUGE animal lover, hehe):


Then, we ventured into the national museum because...we all needed to pee. Hehe :)  We played around in the museum for a bit, went upstairs to this wonderful view:

this takes my breath away, even now
Found a restaurant to grab dinner at!

I remember that this wine really hit the spot after an exhausting day

THESE FISHCAKES WERE SO YUMMY. I can still taste them...

That evening, we went on an underground city tour of Edinburgh that Alisha had booked us!  It was actually really cool :)

Basically, this street (Mary King's Close) was an area inhabited by people during the plague...but they ended up building a street above ground level (I know, it's like...huh?) so now it's underground.  From the Close's official website:

The Real Mary King’s Close is a warren of underground streets and spaces.  It can be a strange concept to understand – back in the 1600’s, Mary King’s Close and neighbouring Closes were at the heart of Edinburgh’s busiest and most vibrant streets, open to the skies and bustling with traders selling their wares to the Old Town’s residents.  Why would this street find itself underground 400 years later?
Bizarre, yes, but now it's making money for these people, so I guess it's a tourist attraction?  They tried to make it scary and stuff....and I must admit, it was kind of weird at times, but overall nothing too terrible.

We then headed to the hotel for some well-deserved rest after a very long day!

Day 55 (Sunday, November 14, 2010):


This was my second and last day at Edinburgh (come to think of it now...wow, these short weekend trips, flying to a different country...I MISS BEING ABROAD).

On our way to the Edinburgh Castle, we got to encounter a veteran's parade!




Also stumbled upon JK Rowling's thingy:


And...hello, Castle!


More gorgeous views of the city from the Castle:


Inside the castle were some really cool historically significant rooms, such as...

rooms where POWs were kept, including ones from the INDEPENDENCE WAR! :) Yay for American pride.
woot!
We got to see the crown jewels, which were gorgeous - but couldn't take any pictures :(

Some more Britishy royal stuff:


Making a wish:


SO CUTE:


We ended up eating at this place:


Cool building.  Yummy food.


I remember we then wandered around, and I wanted to buy this super cute kilt skirt thingy that was PINK, but it was £120 and I was like, okay never mind...

According to my records, our flight left from Edinburgh at 7:55pm and landed in Cardiff at 9:15pm! (Yes, it landed in Cardiff this time because we took a different airline, even though I had left from Bristol).  I remember waiting for the BUS forever and contemplating taking a taxi, but it came just in time as we exhausted all our patience.

YAY for another great trip :)

Like I said, Edinburgh was one of my favorite cities to visit.  SO GORGEOUS. :)

...now for two more months of updates O___O oh dearsies...

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Days 45 - 52: Short Recaps - Guy Fawkes Day, CU, Malaysian Food

Here are some study abroad recaps (long overdue...)!  Unfortunately, my memory can only go so far...so I'm going to have to update what I did on weekends rather than each individual day (that's more reasonable), unless I happened to have extraordinary happenings on a weekday!

I'll begin in the first week of November (which is where I left off from last study abroad related post).

To recap, I had broken my camera on the last weekend of October, when my friends from Penn had come to visit for Halloween in Cardiff.  I bought a new camera (which was such a necessity in my travels) sometime during the early first week of November.  Here I was testing it out on Day 45 (Thursday, November 4, 2010):



This is a picture of English Breakfast that I had at Cafe 10 at the Student Union with Alisha.

During the first weekend of November, we had plans to celebrate Guy Fawkes' Day while staying in the area, so on Friday, we had just stayed in Cardiff (a very rare weekend indeed)...

Thus, on Day 46 (Friday, November 5, 2010) Alisha and I allegedly (from what I can tell through pictures, at least) made dinner and ate Crepes for dessert (too typical).  Here's a picture of one of our 23974987293487 crepes that we made in the 3 month period:

Crepe with Nutella & Banana = Small Heaven

I miss how cheap Nutella was there!

Day 47 (Saturday, November 6, 2010):

I believe both Alisha and I had some sort of essay due the following week, so we were hard at work in that for the majority of the Saturday.  At night, we headed to Caerphilly Castle to see fireworks in honor of Guy Fawkes Day!

Fireworks at a castle! Almost too good to be true...

It was absolutely gorgeous!  Alisha, DeeDee and I went to Caerphilly via train (which was absolutely NUTS because there was a rugby match in Cardiff - apparently it is not advisable to travel on a Rugby day in Wales).  We had a blanket with us and some champagne to enjoy - it was almost like a mini 4th of July celebration.

I still find their celebration of Guy Fawkes Day a bit strange.  It's like, "oh hey, this guy tried to blow up Parliament but failed, so let's celebrate!"...although, I guess during the first anniversary of the event, they celebrated it, and then it just ended up sticking throughout the years.  It *still* reminded me a lot of our Independence Day (4th of July) celebrations, which is slightly ironic since we, as Americans, are celebrating our Declaration of Independence from the British...

(Anyway - going back to my adventures):

I felt terrible because Suwei and her boyfriend (who was visiting Cardiff that weekend) were supposed to join us, but they had just boarded the train to Caerphilly from Cardiff Central when the fireworks just ended :(  They ended up coming to join us when we were at a cafe enjoying hot drinks after the fireworks.

Dee Dee and I shared this "delux hot chocolate" drink which was heavenly:

Can you say 'omnomnom'?
Afterwards, we had to wait a very long time for the train.  It was....an interesting experience because there were a bunch of preteens/early teenagers who were waiting for the train at the same time.  They were clearly drunk and rowdy.  I remember missing America so much at this point, since we tend to have strictly enforced curfew laws with underaged teenagers.  At one point, they jumped onto the bench that Suwei and I were sitting at, causing us to have to move...it was just really ridiculous.  That is one thing I definitely don't miss about the UK.

On Day 48 (Sunday, November 7, 2010), I was definitely in Cardiff and must have gone to church for the first time in ages!  I went to CCCC, which was the church that I ended up sticking with for the rest of my time abroad (and during the limited Sundays that I was there).  I remember really enjoying the service there and feeling part of a community even though...I can count how many times I actually went there for Sunday service.  Nevertheless, I was happy that I was finally able to attend a Sunday sermon!

(Skipping a couple of days)...

Day 51 (Wednesday, November 10, 2010) was a typical day after classes because the Christian Union's weekly meeting was on that day.  While I was abroad, I went to CU meetings almost every Wednesday, where we typically did worship and heard a message.  After CU, a couple of the girls and I headed to the park in front of Cardiff City Hall because Winter Wonderland was opening that night!

Unfortunately, we came too late and missed the fireworks (which I heard wasn't that great anyway), but we did end up taking some pictures in front of the lit ferris wheel!


I remember that it was really exciting to see the ferris wheel and other stuff being lit up because we had seen the preparations for the opening of Winter Wonderland in the past few weeks!  Due to time constraints, I never ended up actually going into Winter Wonderland...but it was nice walking by it everyday :)  The Bute building (where all my classes were) was within 3 minute walking distance from the Winter Wonderland, so I got to see it all the time (even though I never actually went inside...)

Day 52 (Thursday, November 11, 2010):


After classes, I went to CCCC ESF meeting (Cardiff Chinese Christian Church, English Student Fellowship) that occurs every Thursday night as per usual.  This time though, Suwei and Connie were cooking a Malaysian dinner for me and Joanna (a BBC - British Born Chinese)!  It was SO YUMMY.

My first time having Malaysian food, and I must say, they set the standards pretty high :)


Blogging about this while I'm already back in the States makes me miss the girls so, so, so much.  It's really amazing how easily bonds are formed in such a short amount of time.  I'm so thankful that God placed each and every one of those amazing sisters in my life :)

The weekend that followed this meal was spent in Edinburgh, where I invoked on an adventure BY MYSELF to join Alisha and Alana who were already in Scotland (they had the entire week off as 'reading week'...I didn't :( ).  More on that to come very soon!

Yay for updates!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Thoughts thoughts thoughts

February 26, 2011

Gasp.

New post?

I think I'm returning this blog to what it was before I went abroad - a place for lots of venting and frustration in the midst of Penn's craziness.

I'm really sad that I never got around to updating the rest of my study abroad craziness... BUT!  I'm returning to LA this coming Friday for Spring Break and there is hope that I will (finally) get around to posting pictures and stories from abroad, although they'd most likely be in an abridged version.

I can't remember why I opened my blog (and this blogpost) right now, but excuse the confused jumble of thoughts that might come out from reading the rest of this post.

I think this semester has confirmed just how quickly our lives can change within a matter of days hours  minutes seconds.  We might be happy and content one second, only to be completely shattered the next by a phone call, an email, or someone walking in through the door.  The opposite is also true, of course (so as to not make this a super emo post).

Friendships have been broken, mended, and broken again.  Same mistakes have occurred, even after vowing not to repeat.  There have been lots of happiness and new developments on a variety of levels.  My return to Penn was definitely not a smooth ride thus far.

It's surprising how quickly we can adapt to change.  Recalling back to last year around this time, I realized that so much has changed - within myself, in my relationships with others, in my walk with God.  And once again, I'm realizing that what really matters is perspective.

There was a moment last week when I thought quite depressingly about how quickly things have changed, and how we virtually have no control over what's going to happen to us next - then I realized that I could really turn that around and instead be super excited over what God has in store for me in the next few weeks days hours minutes seconds.  I'll never know when He chooses to bring a complete random stranger in my life, only to have that person develop fully into someone I appreciate and love.

And He remains so everlasting, my constant, my rock, my redeemer.

Once again, I'm learning that I can only hold onto Him in this ever-changing world.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Okay. Fail.

January 20, 2011

Yes, I totally failed at updating my blog.  I hope to at least have some journey pictures/stories up in the next few weeks, but with the busy-ness of Penn kicking in, it seems highly unlikely.

Oh Penn. How is it that I'm busier here in the first 2 weeks of classes that I *ever* was in Cardiff?

I forgot that the last week of all-nighters I pulled when I was in Cardiff for essays = every week at Penn.

The workload is back-breaking, and I already had two emotional breakdowns.  Classes started on January 12th.  It's been 8. days.  Someone please pray for me.

Of course, God never fails to set me straight:

"May all your expectations be frustrated
May all your plans be thwarted
May all your desires be withered into nothingness
that you may experience the powerlessness
and poverty of a child
and sing and dance
in the love of God
who IS
the Father
Son
and Spirit"
http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2011/01/prayer/

Amen.  Taken from a blog that I have followed for a while now.  Sometimes, He strips everything away from us so that we can run back to Him to realize that HIS grace and HIS love are the ONLY THINGS that satisfy in this highly unpredictable world.