Breathing Again

It's been about two years now since I have first stepped foot in Philadelphia.

My first impressions of the city were disappointing, to say the least - although I was extremely excited as a high school senior to visit Penn, I remember looking out the window as I walked through the Philly airport to see a city that looked very...gray.

This grayness of Philadelphia was a screaming 'uh-oh' sign for me; after all, LA was green 360 days out of 365 days of the year (and during those 5 days when it wasn't green or sunny, people rejoiced at the change in weather - so basically, we were happy all around). The misery of the city wasn't very difficult to feel even at these very first few moments of my encounter with Philadelphia.

I would be completely lying if I said that Philly has grown a soft place in my heart after two years of living here; in fact, everyday I see the city's brokenness more and more.

Yesterday, as I got off the subway with a friend in Center City, we stumbled across a small group of people surrounding something. As we got closer, I saw a policeman and a clearly mentally unstable man. I guess the policeman had continuously told the man to get down on the floor because the last thing I heard was, "I'm not going to ask you again, get down on the floor" - and when the guy still stood there looking dumbfounded, the policeman shot his taser gun which clasped at the blink of an eye onto the guy's chest.

I had never heard someone scream like that in my entire life. The agony that the man was going through was clearly displayed through his terrible voice - the next thing I knew, he stumbled to take two steps backwards and fell down onto the ground, lifeless.

At that moment, my friend and I instinctively reached out for each other's hands and went across the street to avoid the scene.

I don't think the event was as traumatizing as it should have been, especially given the circumstances of my upbringing. But it did get me thinking as to how broken the city really is. The streets are completely filthy, factory smoke creates a smog bubble that surrounds the city, the drivers are angry and impatient. I think Philadelphia drivers are the worst ones I have ever seen - even in comparison to New York City (but perhaps I haven't seen enough of NY drivers to conclude this). People always talk about how bad the traffic and the drivers in LA are; but they are not inherently angry drivers. Most of the time, LA drivers are hesitant in using their honks and virtually no one ever honks if the car in front of them is not turning because people are crossing (which is dangerous and also um, ILLEGAL).

But in Philadelphia, I see it everyday. Cars turn as much as they can get away with when people are crossing the street. Countlessly each day, I hesitate or wait for a car to turn first before crossing even when the light is in my favor. I've also been nearly run over a couple times. As I tell people when I get back home, in Philadelphia the rules of the traffic can be seen as mutual disrespect between pedestrians and drivers. I think the worst thing about this part of the city is that the Police simply do not care to give out traffic tickets. Drivers break all sorts of rules within the vicinity of the police; I myself cross the street illegally ("jaywalk") all the time in front of police (this would never, ever happen in LA, even if there was no policemen in sight).

Sigh.

But despite this all, the friend and I went to a cute little crepe shop tucked away in the middle of center city; there, it seemed, time slowed down. As I enjoyed a good cup of coffee with my sweet crepe and a good conversation followed, I felt like even in such a horrid city, some sense of peace could be found.

I felt like I could breathe again.